2010-06-27 19:41

Tu verk dėl savo klaidų, o aš iš jų juoksiuosi

Į komentarus

Kartais kelioms valandoms tu pasiduodi, nes pavargsti kovoti. Kelioms valandoms atsiguli į savo lovą, įsijungi dainą, kurios žodžius švelniai raižei jam ant skruosto. Tai darai ne tam, kad skaudėtų ar norėtum išsiverkti. Tai darai, tam, kad pailsėtum į praeitį sugrįžus, ir gražiausius prisiminimus pasiimtum su savimi. Tuomet atsistoji nuo lovos ir pro langą stebi saulėtą dangų ir lakstančius po juo vaikus.  Širdis akimirkai nurimsta. Vėliau pradeda plakti stipriau, o ant palangės raudoni nagučiai raižo iki sielos gelmių pažįstamą vardą. Kažkas sudrumsčia ramybę… Tai automobilis pravažiuojantis dulkėtu vieškeliu. Dulkių kvapas per atdarą langą pasiekia ir tave. Susiraukus uždarai langą. Toliau stebi vaikus, žaidžiančius kieme. Dveji jų dėl kažko susipyksta. Viena mergaitė pastumia berniuką, atsisėda ant savo dviračio ir nuvažiuoja. Aš irgi kažkada tokia būsiu, pamaniau. Gyvenimas keistas. Kartais išgeri tris puodelius mėtų arbatos per dieną, ir vėliau supranti, jog mėtų arbata-tavo nemėgstamiausia. Kartais eini pavedžioti šuns, tik šiek tiek toliau nei visada, nes nori prasiblaškyti ir staiga pradeda pliaupt, kaip iš kibiro. Grįžti namo šlapia ir tikrai prasiblaškius, ir dar tuo pačiu kaltini šunį, kuris rodos čia visai nekaltas. Kartais stovi prieš veidrodį ir rodai keistas grimasas tol, kol mama nepabaksnoja tau į nugarą ir nepaklausia, ką čia po galais darai. Kartais nusišypsai, pamačius mažą vaiką sėdintį su dviem porcijom šokoladinių ledų, kurie jau baigia ištirpti jo močiutei ant kelių. Nusišypsai ne dėl to, jog ir taip akivaizdu, kad jis jų nesuvalgys, nusišypsai, nes vaikui paprašius dar vienos porcijos močiutė ją nuperka. Tuomet ir supranti, jog galbūt šis gyvenimas yra kažko vertas.

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