2010-09-24 20:53

Negrįš, nes aš nepasiilgsiu

Į komentarus

Paleidžiu. Prisirišimą ilgesiu paversiu. Mylimo rankas po svetimą kūną paleisiu. Negrįš, nes aš nepasiilgsiu. Nes man netruks. Ir vakarais tavo kvapą prisiminsiu (ne dėl to, kad norėčiau, dėl to, jog tu pamiršt neleisi). Įkvėpsiu, užsimerksiu ir laikysiu savyje. Ne dėl to, kad truktų, dėl to, kad prabėgusį laiką akimirkai sugrąžinčiau. Ir paleidžiu pirma, nes daugiau nebereikia. Daugiau pasitikėjimu ir prisirišimu nedvelkia. Dvelkia rudeniu ir šaltais vakarais po svetimu dangum. Su svetimais lietaus lašais. Jau ne iš tavo delnų.
Artumui užtrenkiau duris, o tu likai už jų. Tavo akys, prisikaupusios ašarų išliks atminty ilgiau nei maniau. Rudos, gilios akys, pritvinkę ašarų, karčių ašarų… Ašarai pasiekus tavo lūpas, apsilaižai. Sūru. Tada nubrauki šlapią veidą su mano ranka ir manai, kad pasigailėsiu. Ne, ne pasigailėti atėjau. O atsisveikinti. Ir nelaikyk stipriai suspaudęs, o leisk išeiti. Amžinai širdys vienu ritmu neplaks. Ir tavo kvapo neliko, sugėrė jį visą tie niekšai rudenio lapai. Be pasigailėjimo, pasiūlė ir man šiek tiek ant mano kūno pasilikti. Bet paprašiau, kad viską sau pasiimtų. Kad nuo manęs viską kas susiję su tavim sunaikintų. Ir tik vėliau, tik toliau nuėjusi nuo tavęs pradėjau suprasti, kad viskas yra tikrai blogai, kai verkia tas žmogus, kuris visada visus ramindavo. Ir man nereikėjo, kad kartotum jog gali numirti dėl manęs, aš tik norėjau, kad dėl manęs gyventum!

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Komentarai (55)

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    2011-03-30 20:22

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